Ah, it's that time of year again. The pads are cracking. The band is rehearsing. Florida is getting ready to play Miami. Of Ohio. It must mean that college football is about to consume many Saturdays for millions nationwide real soon. When I think of college football, I imagine cool, breezy, fall afternoons in the deep south, where gold and auburn leaves frame a packed erector set of a stadium that's been expanded so many times, it's now jammed with crowds of rabid fans so numerous that there are more people in the stadium than in all of the surrounding towns combined (run on sentence alert!). And this year, I know you're wondering about the same thing I am: Why can't South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier match the success he had in Gainesville, FL, in his new home in Columbia, South Carolina? After much deliberation, I've developed a Top Ten list that makes it all make sense:
10. I've been to Columbia. I spent a month there one day.
9. When recruits learn USC is in Columbia, they refuse the offers citing their lack of Spanish. It's also not the other USC.
8. Several recruits actually boarded flights for Colombia (the other one).
7. Do you really want to be known as a Gamecock for the rest of your life?
6. Gamecock. Isn't that illegal, Mr. Vick?
5. South Carolina Democrats just nominated an unemployed, alleged sexual predator who can barely speak in complete sentences and can't explain where his filing fee came from, for a seat in the United States Senate.
4. In Gainesville, Spring Break doesn't require a Greyhound ticket.
3. South Carolina still displays the Confederate flag on a monument on the state capital grounds. Welcome to 1861.
2. Even Governor Sanford couldn't find a girlfriend in South Carolina.
1. You get plenty of training in creative thinking in Gainesville figuring out new ways each year why you can't play Miami, FL in football. Go 'Canes!
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